A dainty wisp of a child was having a birthday party, likely his last given the clear case of polio that he was suffering from. The disease had wasted him to the point where the flailing pieces of yarn that constituted his arms were utterly ineffective at breaking open the birthday pinata presented to him. The pinata was key because it presumably contained both candy and a cure. SCRIBBLENAUT DAVE TO THE RESCUE. I added a clown, because everyone needs a clown for their birthday, a civil war era cannon because pinatas don’t open themselves without the intervention of biodegradation or blunt force, and a military helmet because damned if that kid was going to have the cure for his polio so close only to have his life snuffed out by a cannonball to the face.
The clown, recognizing few if any safety standards, blew a gaping hole in the side of that pinata with the dusty confederate relic and the child was thrilled with the resulting melted candy, to only have his hopes dashed when no cure came falling from the charred remains of the paper mache donkey. I didn’t bother scribbling in a polio vaccine because frankly that is too close to playing god for comfort. Better luck next time champ, there’s a broad over in the garden that needs her flowers rescued from bees that I need to scribble up a laser satellite for.
I’ve been debating picking up Demon’s Souls and all the reviews are the same. They love it, but with the caveat that it is punishingly difficult. Also common in every writeup is the cliche: “…but it rewards you for all that frustration!” That’s swell, and I’m sure there is a niche out there that will like that, but I prefer my games rewarding me for me paying $60 for them, not repetitive stress and $60. This sort of thing is referred to as the ‘experience’. Dead Space had something similar, and I was sure that it was an ‘experience’, but it certainly wasn’t fun. As suggested, I played it in the dark with surround sound, but could only last for about ten minutes before getting too agitated. There might be fun nestled in there somewhere, but it wasn’t worth delving into a pile of terrifying shit to find it.
Contrast that with Uncharted or Batman, which are FUN! in the most accessible way. Or Popcap games take that to an unhealthy level. But start to finish, I’m having fun playing the game, not experiencing it. Uncharted had a controller busting moment, but it was quickly remedied by notching the difficulty down mid-game, then back to FUN! Demon’s Souls seems to take that recipe and flip the percentages, but without any sort of difficulty slider. Perhaps there is a market for this sort of masochist gameplay. Maybe the collector’s edition includes a X-box controller that leaks acid onto your hands while you’re playing. Or possibly I’m the Andy Rooney of video games and am missing everything something crucial here. Perhaps those more enlightened could explain what’s so fun about dying two dozen times in a row and losing hours of progress. Then I will relate to them the part in Uncharted where:
“NATHAN DRAKE MOTHERFUCKING PUNCHED A MAN TO DEATH, DROVE OFF A CLIFF IN A JEEP, LANDED IN THE WATER, AND PROCEEDED TO GO JOHN MATRIX ON FOOLS WITH AN RPG WHILE RIDING A JETSKI. Oh, your game has magic? That sounds neat, too… I guess.”
September 14th, 2009
Dave
Thursday afternoon, I came home to find the local chipmunk on the front step. His name is Balthazar. I took a picture.
Friday, I came home to find Lola, the neighbor’s fierce hunter of a cat in the same spot. It made a good followup picture.
Godspeed, Balthazar, we hardly knew ye, except as the noisy asshole that wakes people up on Saturday-goddamn-morning.